Pureed Eggs and Ham, Sam I Aren't

I've only been at my internship a week, but it's given me a lot to think about...

Today, as I helped a patient eat ham and eggs, both still in the shape of an ice cream scoop, I decided that there should be a dysphagia-themed Dr. Seuss-esque book. She would not eat them with a cue, she would not could even chew....

And so you know, just because you have to chew your milk, it doesn't mean it's rotten.

Just because the lawn mower shredded your dentures, it doesn't mean you can't still enjoy a majority of your favorite foods...they can be prepared in a variety of textures.

If your patient is going to forget who you are every time she looks away, it's a sign of progress when, upon re-introducing yourself for the 10th time in 30 mins, your patient says, "Amanda? oh. right. You're the funny one."

It's also progress when your elderly memory impaired patient is aware enough to quiz you. Patient, "What's this? (pointing to a blanket)" Amanda, the intern, "Hmm...can you tell me what that is?" Patient (smiling mischievously), "It's a blanket. Just thought I'd through in some humor."

Just because you aren't 5 ft 2 inch Reese Witherspoon, it doesn't mean you can't still be the star of your own awkward moment. Male elderly patient, "[incoherent mumbling]...Wendover or Vegas." Amanda, still the intern, "What's that? I didn't catch what you were saying. Remember to think LOUD!" Male elderly (and married) patient, "Are you married?" Amanda, the unassuming intern, "Nope, I'm not. Ok, so next is 'Deep breath, and OOOOO." Male elderly (and undeterred) patient, "Why not?" Amanda, the sometimes unprepared intern, "Oh, no one has asked me, yet. Ok, let's here a nice, clear OOOO." Male elderly (and you can see it coming now, can't you) patient, "I do! I'll marry ya!" Amanda, the aspiring cool as a cucumber intern, "You already have a wife and that's not what we talk about in speech therapy." Male elderly (and insisitant) patient, "But I love you!" He doesn't have a bus pass, but he does have a motor home...

Chinese is truly a tonal language. If you don't understand the words, you will understand the tone of voice.

Some patients should come with subtitles.

Don't wear undershirts/tank tops under a sweater if it closely matches your skin tone. Without glasses and from a distance, some patient's will deem your outfit scandalous.

Phlegm is not my phavorite.

When inquiring about patient charts, introduce yourself to the head nurse at the nurse's station BEFORE you ask about confidential matters...or else be prepared to be recieved as a wandering patient.

Don't laugh at inspirational quotes posted in your facility. If you must, laugh to yourself.
For example: “Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall” --Confucius

Above all, remember that moment by unpredictable moment, you are serving God's children. Treat them as such.